The power of turning everyday-ness into joy: a Q+A with Tilly Moses

"What an amazing power to have, to make something mundane and ordinary into something full of whimsy!"

Dear Joy Risers,

Today I am delighted to share with you a Q+A with artist and activist Tilly Moses. Tilly is one of the first people I started to read when I joined Substack nearly a year ago, and I find myself constantly inspired by her. So, you can imagine my delight when she agreed to answer some questions via email for me to share with you here. And whilst today’s conversation was conducted as a written Q+A over email, the time and consideration Tilly has put into her answers makes it feel much more like a lovely, meandering chat between friends. So, pour yourself a hot cup of something and settle in, because you’re about to meet the incredibly creative and oh-so-stylish Tilly Moses (and I bet you’re about to look at your wardrobe in a whole new way, too).

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Q&A with Tilly Moses

1: Tilly, thank you so much for joining us on The Joy Rise, it is a delight to have you here. I’ve got to start with your incredible sense of style - what do you love about clothes and fashion?

Thanks so much for having me!

I’ve always loved clothing, ever since I was little. Clothing is more than just something we use to cover up and keep warm or to keep the sun off - it represents thousands of years of human history, culture, and self expression. On a personal level, it’s always given me a route to express myself, bring joy into my everyday life, and connect with other people. And now, as a disabled person, it also gives me a route to challenge stereotypes and unseat ableist ideas about what disabled people and our lives look like (I wrote an article about this which you can read here). I also love its everyday-ness - you have to get dressed every day anyway, so why not turn that into something that brings you joy and makes you feel good? What an amazing power to have, to make something mundane and ordinary into something full of whimsy! I try to do that as much as I can, and fashion is the one of the easiest ways I find of doing it.

2: Could you please share some photos of a few favourite outfits with us, and any associated stories?

When I put this outfit on, I felt so much joy! I felt so much like myself in it! Patchwork is my favourite pattern and you’ll see I wear it as much as possible across lots of my outfits. I have a very clear memory of putting this outfit together because I built it around wearing slippers - I was going out for the day in my wheelchair and the weather was starting to get cold. When you’re sitting down all day, not moving, you get cold fast, especially your extremities. For some reason, I had previously been stuck with the idea that you have to wear “proper” shoes when you leave the house, but I’d been talking to my friend who’s been a wheelchair user for much longer than me, and she was aghast that I hadn’t been wearing slippers in my wheelchair during the winter months. So I decided I would start! I built this outfit around my slippers, which are from Seasalt and have that lovely patchwork/chequered vibe - I decided to mirror that with the cardigan and dress. It’s a lovely example of how some of the best innovations and creative outputs spring from my experience as a disabled person - I’d never have put this outfit together unless I was a wheelchair user with a specific practical problem to solve. It makes me happy knowing how intertwined my disability and my creative process are.

More details about the pieces in the outfit: the cardigan is second hand from ebay and is pure wool, so it’s incredibly warm and cosy. The brand is Pachamama and it’s maybe my favourite item of clothing I’ve ever bought, I just love the way it makes me feel. The red handwarmers were bought for me by one of my closest friends, Sam, and they’re made by Turtle Doves London, who use pre-loved cashmere from jumpers to make gloves and handwarmers. I found the dress on depop and I’m fairly sure it’s vintage 90s. The bag is from a vintage fair I went to - my friend Ilana picked it up and insisted I buy it, and she was right to because it’s my most used handbag now!

This photo was taken the day after Josh and I got engaged, hence my funny little pose showing off my engagement ring. This green colour is my absolute favourite colour of all time (so much so that my friends call it “Tilly green”) and my engagement ring has a green stone, so I really wanted to wear this colour for our engagement dinner at our favourite local restaurant. The dress is from a local boutique and I bartered with the woman behind the counter to give me a discount if I crocheted some granny squares for her to stitch onto jumpers to sell. It’s made out of a very floaty silk and is perfect in hot weather. The velvet coat is from ebay and so are the little velvet shoes. I loved this outfit, I felt so beautiful all night! Bonus picture included of me looking at Josh all moony-eyed in the restaurant that evening.

Remember my love of patchwork? It’s on full display here! This is one of my most re-worn outfits - if I’m ever not sure what to wear, this is a go to. It has everything! Sunny colours, patchwork, two-toned tights, patchwork boots, handmade cardigan, and it’s comfy and cosy to boot! This cardigan is the first wearable crochet piece I made and I made it to match this dress specifically, down to the purple wool I used to connect the crochet squares, which matches the purple splodges on the pattern of the dress. I also crocheted the covers on my wheelchair, and I love how the cardigan and chair covers look together.

These photos were taken by the incomparable Emma Ledwith. Emma is a brilliant photographer I’d been following on social media for a while and I happened to see that she was offering free photo sessions on International Women’s Day, so I messaged her to reserve a slot for my friend Leah and I - we had become close friends a few months earlier and wanted some good pictures together, as we’re both passionate about fashion. The session was so fun and I love how the pictures came out. There are a few of Leah and I giggling together in the daffodils that make me feel so happy every time I see them! Emma said we were the most colourful people she photographed that day, which I wear as a badge of pride.

Purple, green, and blue has to be one of my all time favourite colour combinations. There’s just something about the way they play off each other that makes my brain so happy! I don’t remember where I wore this to, but I do remember feeling amazing in it! Almost every part of this outfit is second hand or handmade - I crocheted the scarf and the vest; and the dress, coat, and bag are all second hand. You can’t quite see them but I’m wearing little spotty blue socks with a scalloped edge over the top of my tights, and a pair of beautiful stripey handwarmers my mother in law made for me. The sixties style hair clip from Inky and Mole was the perfect finishing touch. The sheer maximalist madness of this one makes my heart sing - I’m already looking forward to wearing it again next winter!

I had to include this outfit - it’s the first one of mine that went even remotely viral online. I had only just started filming little outfit videos, as before I’d only been posting photographs. My mum bought me this coat for Christmas and I was (and still am) thrilled - it really reminds me of Elmer the Elephant and gives me a lot of childlike joy! I immediately wanted to style it, and decided to pick the yellow out of the coat as a focal point. But once I put on the yellow dress and coat, with the tights and boots, I knew the outfit needed something extra. So I crocheted the scarf to match the coat, using scraps of wool leftover from other projects. The wools I used weren’t even the same thickness, which is breaking all the rules of crochet, but I actually think it adds to the whimsy of the finished scarf and outfit. I happened to pop into a local shop the same day, and found a hat that matched perfectly and was knitted by a local artist. The yellow walking stick was the finishing touch. I knew it was a good outfit because, as I was filming the outfit video, someone walked past, looked at me slightly alarmed, and said “you look very… bright!” Perplexed responses from people around you are how you know it’s a good one!

I posted the video on Tiktok and it blew up, getting about 218k views and lots of very kind comments. It helped me to realise people are actually interested in seeing my outfits and appreciate them as an art form - before, I was just posting my outfits for fun and because it’s a hobby I would be doing either way. It was partly this video that made me start a Substack, as I wanted to start writing about my creative process and how I put my outfits together, as well as being able to speak more in depth about disability and the ways in which it contributes to and affects my life. I’m really grateful to this outfit - it’s brought me a lot.

3: I have long been a believer in dopamine dressing, and when I’m writing fiction I tend to find myself embodying the world of my characters in some way that is reflected in my appearance, either in what I wear, how I choose to adorn myself or sometimes even with symbolic references in ink on my skin. I’ve read some of your reflections on dopamine dressing, could you tell me a bit about what dopamine dressing means to you?

That’s so interesting and I love to hear that you’re also using clothing to connect with your characters!

For me, assembling my colourful outfits is an act of self expression that gives me huge fulfilment personally, but it also has a broader political significance. I’m reclaiming ownership of my body from the ideas of the medical model, which says that a disabled body is tragic and to be “fixed,” and should only be seen in sterile medical settings where everything is white and grey. By dressing the way I do, I show that I am a vibrant and joyful human being, with a life worth living.

I’m showing that I don’t view my body as something “broken” to be ashamed of, but as something that is worth dressing lavishly, intentionally wrapping it in lush fabrics and hanging sparkling ornaments from it. And to turn a disabled body from one that people see and say “I could never live like that”, to one that people say “Wow, I wish I looked like that!”, is a feat I’m greatly invested in! Dressing joyfully can be freeing for everyone, but for disabled people in a political climate that wants us downtrodden or dead, it’s downright revolutionary to show up embodying joy.

4: Beyond your personal style, where else do you find creativity in your daily life?

I think it’s woven so much into my everyday life that I struggle to even identify it! Our house is a constant ongoing project for me - finding ways to inject personality into a rental property is a good challenge! I also crochet, embroider, write bits and pieces, and I love taking photographs. I have thousands and thousands of photographs that I’ve taken of beautiful little moments, when the light hits just right, or the colours in a scene made me feel something. I rarely share them but I love to take them anyway, for me. I used to be a folk musician - I released two albums and gigged pretty constantly for the best part of 10 years. I stopped for a variety of reasons but I still sing in the house and listen to a lot of music. And I love film and TV. As someone who has to spend a lot of time sitting/lying down for health reasons, it’s become a big part of my creative life. I think there’s this idea that to be doing something creative we have to be making something, but I find that consuming other people’s stories is essential for me to be creative - it prompts me to think about the world in new ways and about other people’s perspectives and experiences, and that often sparks new ideas that I use in my own creative pursuits.

5: When you’re feeling stuck or blocked in a creative pursuit, what helps you?

I always have so many creative projects on the go at once, and part of the reason is I find I work better when I can swap between things.

I find there are a few reasons I might be stuck on something. One is that I’m too physically or intellectually tired to keep going, so I need to physically rest, or switch to something which uses different personal resources. So, say I get stuck writing a personal essay, I often pick up some crochet or embroidery because it’s less cerebral than writing and involves working with my hands. The change of creative focus helps to free me up creatively again so I can go back to what I was stuck on. If switching doesn’t work, it’s likely that I’m tapped out of all my personal resources - chronic fatigue doesn’t care about your creative projects and won’t budge just because you want to finish something! So, it’s time to rest. Bed rest with the cat and minimal screentime is the thing I find works best.

But sometimes, I’m not tapped out of resources, I’m just bored! I’m someone who gets a bit sad, listless, and bored quickly doing one thing, and I don’t always have the resilience to keep doing something I’m finding dull or difficult. I spent a long time feeling guilty for this and thinking I should just “push through it”, but bullying myself in that way never yielded results (a good life lesson in general, especially for disabled and neurodivergent people). The actual answer in these cases is that I should spend time with people. Social rest is very effective for me; I find that it fills my cup back up. Spending time with my friends, community members, family, or even strangers gets me excited about life when I’m feeling listless. And that excitement gives me the energy and drive to have another crack at whatever it was I was finding frustrating or boring.

Honestly, patience, rest, and self compassion are the key - I really try not to push myself too hard to make anything to a specific schedule or when it’s not coming naturally for me. I’m in the privileged position of not creating for income, which means I have the luxury of being able to give myself a huge amount of self-compassion. This keeps creativity sustainable and enjoyable for me, because I can forgive myself when I don’t finish a project. As soon as you forgive yourself for a project unfinished or gone badly, you’re free to pick up another one. A lot of people get stuck or blocked creatively for years because they can’t get past one specific idea. I allow myself to say “OK, I don’t want to finish that project - I had fun doing what I did, I still learned things from the process, but now it’s time to move on.” This frees me up to start something new. I finish what I finish and enjoy the results!

6: What does creativity give you?

For me, creativity is a way of connecting to my core self, because my creative drive has always been consistent throughout my life, from when I was very little. I remember spending hours as a child making a bird puppet out of paper, hand-colouring the whole thing, in lieu of having coloured paper to work with. I cut out little holes in the paper to give it texture, and attached strings and sticks at the top so it was functional. Whatever’s been happening in my life, I’ve always been someone who wants to make things - it really brings me back to myself. I find it comforting, grounding, and such a source of satisfaction. I also get a feeling of empowerment from being able to make things for myself - often, I’ll have a clear image in my head of an item I’d like and it either doesn’t exist to buy or I could only buy it from huge companies that are destroying the planet and exploiting people. In those circumstances, it feels really good to know I can make the thing myself! I think creativity also makes me feel competent, because I’m good at it. It’s nice to feel good at something, especially in the context of me spending so much of my time pushing through to do things necessary to my survival that I’m not naturally gifted at, and disabled people being made to feel so burdensome for our care needs. Being self-sufficient through creativity is a gift.

Sharing the things I create facilitates connections with other people too, which I really value. A wonderful example of this creative community happened this week - Michelle Roetman sent me a pair of trousers she’d handmade, I styled them in an outfit and posted a video of me wearing them. Yesterday, I got a notification from Sophie McPike that she’d sketched me wearing that outfit in her sketchbook. I’ve loved Sophie’s work for a long time so it’s really special to be included in it! This kind of chain of creativity makes me so happy; creatives inspiring other creatives.

7: I’ve read that you’re about to embark on a project which involves hand embroidering wild flowers on your wedding dress with your bridesmaids?! I can’t tell you what joy that brings me on so many levels. Can you tell me a bit about how that idea came about, and how it’s going?

Absolutely! It came about because I’ve always dreamed of having a wedding dress with colourful wildflowers covering it. Although there are more alternative options for wedding dresses available now than ever before, including dresses with wildflowers all over, when I started actually looking at the options, none of them were quite right for me. Either the colour palette of the flowers was wrong (a lot of pastels, which isn’t my style), or the material of the dress wasn’t to my taste, or I thought the fit of the dress wouldn’t work for my body. So, after talking to my friends about it, I decided I would find the right dress in terms of its fit and style, and then embroider the flowers myself, giving me control over all elements of it and ensuring that it will feel like “me.”

Once I’d decided on this route, lots of opportunities opened up before me. Because I’m deciding every detail, I can pull from mine and Josh’s lives and personal histories, as well as from folklore - I grew up surrounded by folk music and stories and culture, and it’s still really important to me to have that represented, even though I’m not a folk musician professionally anymore. Doing it this way means I can choose flowers with personal significance as well as with folklore in mind - bridewort will almost definitely make an appearance, as will flowers from the fens where I grew up and from by the sea where Josh did. Josh has put an appeal in for foxgloves to be included as they’re his favourite, but I’m trying to decide whether to allow them - they’re traditionally the fairies’ flower and are poisonous, so you do not mess with them or claim them for yourself! But we’ll see. Maybe the fairies will let us have this one.

I’ve never embroidered anything before, except one cap for Josh that he wears a lot. But I’ve always loved to pick up different crafts and throw myself into them, and I have a slightly outlandish amount of self belief that I’ll be able to make something work if the pressure and stakes are high enough! (See also the papier mache mushroom hat I made in the five days before a fancy dress party, with no previous experience making anything even remotely similar, or any back up costume options). What could be more high stakes than the most meaningful and photographed piece of clothing I’ll ever wear? Hopefully that means it’ll also be the best off-the-cuff piece of crafting I’ve ever done!

The other gorgeous thing about it is that my friends and family are going to contribute - my mum, my bridesmaids, some other friends, are all going to do parts of the embroidery. Traditionally, the lace for wedding dresses was made by groups of women sitting for hours, working together and doing it by hand. There’s something magical in going back to that, and in it being a communal activity - sitting together while we make it will bring so much joy before the actual wedding day. And I think the feeling of wearing my community on my body on my wedding day will be indescribably beautiful. I really can’t wait!

So far, I’ve listed out the wildflowers I want to include, have found photographs of other people’s embroidery of some of those flowers to use as a basis, and I’ve got some materials from my local fabric shop. The dress has been shortened to my height so I can practice on the offcuts, which I’ve started doing in the last couple of weeks. I’ve practised a forget-me-not and a cowslip, as they’re fairly straight forward. I’m making a blog series tracking my progress so updates will be coming soon!

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Tilly, your joy and creative expression is absolutely contagious. Thank you for joining us on The Joy Rise. I’m off to explore my wardrobe with fresh eyes.

Dear reader, thanks as ever for supporting my work.

With a light left on,