"I feel like an empty vessel...my creativity gone"
Keeping space in our hearts for the ‘unimaginable’
Dear readers of The Joy Rise,
It feels really good to be writing to you to offer some goodness: this issue features a reader Q&A from The Joy Rise paid subscription archives, plus something I’m equally excited to share: discounted gift subscriptions to The Joy Rise for the holiday season!
Scroll down to read the freebie from the archives: a powerful question I received from Jasmine, a reader, about her seemingly vanished creativity. I respond in both writing and audio recording, so you can listen or read.
But first, exciting gift discount subscriptions news!
Celebrating The Joy Rise's first Christmas: discounted gift subscriptions!
This is the first holiday season that I’ll be writing my way through and sharing with my community of paid subscribers here on The Joy Rise, which (especially when compared to sharing anywhere else on the internet) feels deeply meaningful, and deeply fucking delightful.
To celebrate, I want to offer a 25% discount on annual gift subscriptions, that you might want to give to someone special in your life - yourself included - this holiday season.
Discount details:
Starting from today through until 11.59pm AEDT Tuesday 24 December 2024, I’m offering 25% off the annual subscription price when you purchase a 12 month subscription.
That means 12 months of The Joy Rise for only AUD$75.00 (instead of the usual AUD$100) which is roughly USD$50 / GBP£40. Or, approximately AUD $1.45 / USD $1 / GBP £0.80 per week.
What you’re giving/getting:
With a paid subscription to The Joy Rise, subscribers hear from me weekly.
Either through a fortnightly newsletter, which always includes exclusive, long-form, new writing from me, or, in our TJR private chat message group on the Substack app, where we connect and share our creative lives. (The chat group is wholesome and wonderful, and honestly one of my favourite things about launching The Joy Rise.)
All paid newsletters that I’ve written since TJR launched can be previewed here.
How to redeem:
To snaffle up a discounted annual gift subscription, simply click this button:
At checkout, you'll need to:
select the Annual Subscription option
enter the email address for the person you'd like to gift this subscription to
And, remember: there are no rules to say you can’t gift a subscription to yourself!
IMPORTANT - timing of purchase:
I recommend that if your gift purchase is for a specifically-timed gift giving occasion, you buy the subscription as close to this time as possible.
This will give you the best chance to surprise your loved one with news of the gift subscription vs. your loved one opening their emails one day and, thinking, ooooh I love this, and also, how and when did Holly Ringland sign me up to her newsletter?!
Complimentary digital + printer friendly gift vouchers:
If you're giving a subscription to a loved one (or for a Secret Santa) then you might like to download a complimentary digital voucher to email to the lucky recipient. I’ve also made you a printer friendly version, should you need to take it along with you to a holiday celebration.
Freebie from the paid archives: Reader Q&A
In every other issue of The Joy Rise for paid subscribers, I share a question I’ve received from a reader, and my answer. (If you have a question you’d like to ask me about creativity, I’d love to hear from you - click here.)
While going through the archives to choose something to share in this issue, I was drawn to this Q&A with Jasmine, a reader. Her question is so powerful, personal, and universal. My answer explores the seasons of our creativity. Both Q&A feel like they mirror the seasons we’re all in or entering around the globe. In the northern hemisphere we’re drawing in with low light for the long winter. In the southern hemisphere, we’re opening up in blazing light for the long summer. Darkness, and light. Hibernation, and abundance. Growth, and bloom. Mirroring, mirroring everywhere. I was also struck by how universal Jasmine’s question is at this particular time of year, when we’re all about to go into the collective season of joy and grief, aka holiday season. A time when there’s much to do, hold, and bear, when we feel increasingly fried, burnt out, raw… a time when our creativity can feel like it’s run for the hills.
Jasmine’s question first featured in issue #3 of The Joy Rise:
She wrote to me from Mandjoogoordap Country/Mandurah:
Hello Holly,
My question is, how do I get creativity to come back and feel like "me"? I am a single mum with two autistic children who I care for full time and I feel like my whole world is about autism, as it should be and helping my kids... But when they are at school and I'm home alone, I'm left in my books (love to read) and any sense of creativity in my look, clothing, how I style the house, everything, gone. I used to love photography, art, fashion, make up artistry and I feel like I just am an empty vessel these days.
Dear Jasmine,
I want to start by acknowledging the incredible heart and soul you find every day as a single parent to your kids. I was mostly raised by a single mother, and have a deep and unwavering respect and empathy for everything it takes. I also want to thank you for writing to me with your powerful, open-hearted question.
It is so difficult - heartbreaking, painful - to be in that empty vessel state. When we feel like our creative expression is not only completely gone from us, but also fearing that it might never return. There was a time, years ago, when I was living in a vacuum of unprocessed trauma, which stripped me of feeling like I would ever be connected to my imagination again, or have anything inside of me that felt worthy, meaningful, good (keep inserting words here) enough to create. What I couldn’t see then but have come to understand is that while it didn’t feel like it at the time, my creative energy was nevertheless still firing in me: every last flicker was going into functioning and not falling through the floor of my own life. From the seemingly simplest things like grocery shopping, to the more complex tasks of holding down a job and any semblance of work/social relationships, I was using every bit of imagination and courage that I had to get up, engage with, and tend to my life every day. Apathy would have been easy. Functioning was hard. And took everything.
Looking back at that time now, I see it was a wintering season for creativity in me. I was doing the work of holding on to myself, however I could, like a bulb in frozen ground. It wasn’t the season to flower… yet. And while I struggled to imagine that I might ever be brave/smart/good/energised/healed (keep inserting words) enough to create anything again, something that helped me in the tiniest way was refusing to give up on the grain of space I kept in my heart for what Mary Oliver, the poet, called, ‘the unimaginable’. I couldn’t imagine a time when I would know myself as the writer I remembered being when I was younger, but I couldn’t risk believing that my creativity and I wouldn’t dance together again. That way peril waited.
I wonder if this idea might resonate with you, that your creative expression is not actually gone from you - it’s possibly one of your resources that you’re using up every single day in your parenting, to take care of your children and give them everything that you can. I wonder if it might feel possible for you to think of your connection with your individual creative expression as seasonal… and trust the process you know that another season will come. Maybe right now feels like a deep autumn or the pit of winter, when it’s impossible to believe anything will ever grow again. But maybe it can be equally true that you can also trust and rely on that past knowledge of yourself and all the things you’ve loved (photography, art, fashion, make up artistry). Maybe even the most dormant of seeds can bloom when the conditions are right. And maybe, maybe, the way to withstand winter is by keeping that grain of space in your heart for what feels unimaginable right now… that there’s a flowering version of you coming… and she’s in full and resplendent creative bloom.
Finally, I wonder if it might be of any value to you to consider small ways you could tend to that future self right now, to let her know you’re keeping that space in your heart for her, when her time comes. Maybe it’s a simple act, like writing her a letter (even tapping something out in the Notes app on your phone if that’s easier). Or making a playlist. Starting a Pinterest board. Buying a bold lipstick. Maybe Jasmine, you’ve already taken your first step towards doing this, by writing to me…
I’m cheering for you in every season. Sending love to you and your kids.
Love, Holly
Coming in next week’s issue for paid subscribers…
This Writer’s Life: a progress update from my desk, where I’m writing my third novel
The Joy Rise Dog of the Month: spoiler - it doesn’t have to be a dog! Enter your beloved animal here
On My Corkboard: where a weary heart finds sustenance
My website is always open - please send me your question about creativity, or let me know what you’d like to read from me here. We’re building The Joy Rise together.
Thanks for reading this issue, it’s been a joy to write for you. I hope there’s someone in your life that it will bring you joy to give a gift subscription of The Joy Rise to. Thank you as ever for supporting my work.
With a light left on,
Heading your reply as a voice message brought such a warmth to my heart, Holly. I am deeply relating to Jasmine’s season of creative wintering right now, and it has been hard not to feel like my sparkly self. Thank you for reminding us that our creativity isn’t gone, she’s resting and quietly gathering momentum 🤎