Creativity, Joy, Grace: a light left on

Podcast out now, recorded live at Sydney City Recital Hall with Sydney Writers Festival

Hello readers of the Joy Rise,

On a night in May this year, I was in Sydney trying to calm my nerves. I was on my way to the biggest gig of my writing career so far: Creativity, Joy, Grace. A Sydney Writers Festival conversation event at Sydney City Recital Hall with me, Julia Baird, and host, Michaela Kalowski.

As I got into my taxi, I recalled something my partner Sam had said to me earlier in the day: “don’t forget to give yourself a moment to take this in.” When I found that moment en route, I also found 14 year old me, clacking away on my secondhand IBM, writing my heart out.

Funny how quickly our younger selves can bring sense and courage to a moment.

I kept that nerdy, emotionally-porous kid close to me as I stood in the wings of City Recital Hall with Julia and Michaela - two incredible women I greatly admire and care about.

I kept that kid close as my heart pounded while we walked onto the stage and took our seats.

For the next hour in that stunning venue we shared a rich, flowing conversation in front of such a warm, generous crowd.

I was humbled when, in her first question to me, Michaela asked me to speak about one of my favourite ideas in The House That Joy Built.

Here is the transcript excerpt from that part of our conversation (lightly edited for clarity).

MICHAELA: “At the beginning of your book, The House That Joy Built, you write about this idea of a house that's inside of us, a house on our inner landscape where the light is always left on. Can you explain what you were describing?”

HOLLY: “This is quite an awe-filled moment for me to be sitting here. So, I'll try and, pardon me, keep my shit together and proceed to make sense.

One of the countless gifts that readers have given me is that I don't think I would have written this book without their questions on creativity. The number one question that I have been asked since [my first novel] Lost Flowers was published, is, “But how do I create?” And beyond that, “How do I get past the fear? How do I transcend the trauma? How do I do what feels impossible to do, to write my story or to make what I love?”

I’m someone who was too scared to write for years because of trauma, grief, fear, and all of the things we all carry around with us, like our inner critics and so on. But when I was writing the opening chapters of The House That Joy Built, I started to think about what it feels like on the other side of that blockage. What it felt like when I wrote Lost Flowers.

And it felt like returning. It felt like returning to a place inside of myself that I hadn't viscerally felt or remembered since I was little. Whether we’re talking 14 years old, or younger, it was a place where, when I was little, I was never thinking about whether I was any good at play or creating. I was doing it because I enjoyed it so much.

That sense of returning reminded me of what it's like when we come home to a physical place, that for whatever reason, we haven't been able to access or visit for a long time. I thought about landscapes in my life that will call me back to them all my life, because I have loved them while I've been there. That's when I thought that, to me, returning to our imaginations and drawing creativity from there is coming back to our inner country.

And that 14-year-old that sat at her second-hand IBM? She was writing a mash-up of Baywatch fan fiction / River Phoenix love affair stories. It was 1994, everyone.”

[AUDIENCE LAUGHTER]

MICHAELA TO AUDIENCE: “Aren't you just dying to read that?”

HOLLY (laughs): “Coming back to the place that the 14-year-old in me wrote from - it's that feeling when you get home, at the end of a long day, a hard day, a long time away from home, and someone's left the light on for you so that you can see as you come in. That young version of myself knew that creativity was worth the joy it brought. Full stop. That was the purpose.

And that was the light that she left on for me.”

Sydney Writers Festival have recently released a podcast of our conversation in its entirety (including a story with Julia that made me publicly snort with joy). I’m so thrilled that it can now be shared.

Click below to play, or listen anywhere you love to get your podcasts. You might also like to forward this email to anyone in your life who would also enjoy listening.

Heartfelt thanks again to Michaela, Julia and everyone who joined us on the night. To readers who waited patiently in the signing line. To Sydney Writers Festival for inviting me to be a part of something so special. It was a career highlight, honour and privilege - I am so grateful to have been a part of it. To the festival volunteers, staff and booksellers who made the magic happen. To Will and Theresa, Auslan interpreters. And special shout out to the sound crew who played us off stage to my beloved Pearl Jam.

This event was a powerful reminder of how important it is to share stories of imagination, humanity and courage. Of how important it is to allow ourselves to feel joy and to choose grace, even though it can often be difficult to do. To embody either/both is the best of who we are and what we have to offer each other. In the words of poet, Ross Gay, from The Book of Delights: “What if we joined our sorrows, l’m saying. I’m saying: What if that is joy?”

In July, a couple of months after this event took place, I wrote and launched the first issue of The Joy Rise here on Substack, to continue conversations about creativity, joy, grace, and connection. Thank you all for joining me here and supporting my work this way. You have stirred the deepest gratitude (and inspired awe) in both 14 and 44 year-old me.

With a light left on for anyone who might need it,